CONTROL OR IN CONTROL?
A man can be IN CONTROL without being CONTROLLING.
Being in control as a man is essential for a healthy muslim marriage whereas, a controlling husband is toxic to live with.
When a man is in control, his wife treats him like a king and he treats her like a queen. He plays his role as the maintainer and protector of his wife. He understands her physical and emotional needs and he meets these needs to the best of his ability. His wife loves and respects him as much as he is kind to her. His wife is submissive to him, and he in turn loves and respects her.
He is a good communicator and team leader. His judgment is sound but he still consults his wife before making important decisions. His financial intelligence is top-notch even if he is not a millionaire. His wife can trust him with her money while her money remains her money. She may support him financially, but he is not dependent on her to the point of becoming irresponsible and ungrateful.
His parents are not the custodians of his marital life. They enjoy his full support and care but they don’t get to interfere in his marriage unnecessarily. He maintains a good relationship with his wife’s parents but they don’t get to dictate to him.
A controlling husband might be in control too, but his constant state of insecurity pushes him over the boundaries of what is healthy. He is always nursing the fear that he may lose control and this makes him become obsessive. He is the king of the house but his wife is treated like a slave rather than a queen. He gives his wife food and shelter, but takes away her choice and mutes her voice. He might fulfil her physical needs but he ignores her emotional needs. He dims her light, kills her dreams and hides her talents.
A muslim woman would guard her chastity and her husband’s property. That is the limit set by Allaah and she needs to be in control within that limit. Can she be controlling? Definitely a NO NO.
Bottomline. Every woman wants to be with a man who makes her feel secure and happy. Being in control is adorable. You should be in charge without going overboard. You should have a healthy level of protective jealousy without being obsessed. You cannot be in control for nothing. You must bring a whole lot of value to the table before you can claim control. Allaah says,
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard…”
(Qur’an chapter 4 verse 34)