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A muslim brother is planning to marry a lady who happens to be a medical student. But people have discouraged him from marrying a female medical professional citing the challenges associated with their jobs…

Here was my 1 kobo:

May Allaah ease your affairs.

I’d like to commend you for taking the time to seek counsel on this issue. Most people will not go this far before they tie the knot; but they often become lost when they encounter problems down the line.

I think both of you should have a honest conversation about this. If possible, consult a professional marriage counsellor just before your nikaah.

I can see that you are a good person, and you genuinely want your marriage to work. Please, continue to be good after your marriage. Be patient with your wife, be supportive and communicate openly.

You can’t use other people’s experiences or advice to judge your marriage. You have to work on it based on your peculiar circumstances.

It’s true that a female medical doctor will not be available for the family all the time. But if she’s a conscious muslimah as you said, she will find a way to balance the situation. But she needs your support. If you leave her to figure it out alone, she will become overwhelmed and burnt-out. That’s when she may start showing you attitude, and you will think it is arrogance. So again, please, be supportive, and be patient.

If you want her to reach the peak of her career, you have to carry the extra responsibility of taking care of the home (including child care). You need to spend money on nanny or day care as the case may be. You need to be more vigilant and watchful of the children when she’s not around. You also need to check on her deen, to make sure she’s not neglecting her duties to Allaah.

Medical practice can be very overwhelming. You need to be extra patient. If she wants to go on a slow, easy pathway, you have to reassure her constantly, because when she sees her mates on the fast track, she may start feeling depressed.

Appreciate her sacrifices. If she takes a career break because of the family, show gratitude to her. And if she desires to get back on track, please discuss it clearly and offer your honest thought and full support.

Most importantly, always pray for guidance before you make important decisions about your marriage and career, and life in general. There will be challenges along the way, so you need Allaah to guide you.

I’ll be happy to mentor her if you connect her with me.

Baarakallaahu feekum.

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©Doctor KT

2022