It is said that common things occur commonly. However, we shouldn’t be too quick to dismiss or downplay the not-so-common things. There are many unspoken words and untold stories of domestic violence against men. In a recent Australian survey, 1 in 12 men reported that they have been physically abused by an intimate partner (cf. 1 in 4 women). 

Even at that, I believe the figures aren’t representative of the real picture. Men are much less likely to report violence from their female partners because of the fear of being blamed. The problem is further complicated by the fact that, a lot of female victims ended up becoming perpetrators with an intention of being “defensive”. In fact, some men don’t even know that they’re being abused! 

Verbal, emotional and sexual abuse seem to be more common than physical. Perpetrators tend to be older, wealthier or possessing a higher level of educational achievement. They often deny and claim to be the victims themselves. How can you recognise the telltale signs of domestic violence as a man? 

*she constantly calls you names, insults you or puts you down

*she prevents you from going to work or school

*she stops you from seeing family members or friends

*she tries to control you, how you spend money, where you go, etc. 

*she acts too jealous and possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful

*she gets angry easily and frequently, often displays aggressive behaviour or transferred aggression towards the children or pets

*she threatens you with violence or a weapon

*she hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets

*she intentionally destroys your property 

*she forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

*she blames you for her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

Domestic violence doesn’t come up de novo. There will be triggers and aggravating factors. Issues should be resolved before they degenerate into war. Subtle signs should be identified and nipped in the bud. Do not say “no one will believe me” and die in silence. If your spouse refuses to listen, talk to someone you trust. Seek help before it’s too late. Don’t wait until you have to choose between a broken home and broken bones!

May Allaah bless our homes. Aameen. 


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