The reality of marriage is not as straightforward as the fairytale “happily ever after” line. It is a bed of roses, but there will always be small pockets of thorns scattered here and there. The goal is to make the highs outweigh the lows.
How many times have you looked at your wife and all you remember is how you lost Sister Fulaanah; that beautiful and calm Haafidho whom you were planning to propose to, only for you to find out that she had been “taken”…
How many times have you been with your husband, but deep down, you were busy fantasizing about another sheikh charming with thick black beards and sonorous voice…
Occasional flashes of fantasy are understandable. But when you begin to feel and show that the person you have married shouldn’t have been the one (for no other reason apart from your fantasies), then, you need to take a deep breath and call your senses back. As muslims, accepting the qadar is one of the basic articles of faith. Your spouse is part of your qadar.
No one is perfect. Always remember this. You should focus on the positive side of your spouse, overlook the trivial negatives and strive to make them improve in goodness. When you see someone who is apparently more gifted than your spouse, lower your gaze after the first glance, wish them barakah and wakapass. Fill in the gaps within your own marriage instead of envying the awesomeness of your neighbour’s marriage.
“And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you to excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned, and ask Allah of His Bounty. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knower of everything”. (Quran chapter 4 verse 32)
May Allaah rectify our affairs. Aameen.
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