Yesterday at the clinic, a pregnant woman walked into my office and we had a long conversation. I spent much more time with her than I spent with other patients. She was too anxious about this baby because her last baby had some developmental challenges. I reassured her that her baby would be fine, in shaa Allaah.
Towards the end of our conversation, she asked me two unexpected questions.
“Are you married?”. I said yes.
“Is your husband a good man?”
Before I could figure out what her definition of “good” was, she spent another five minutes out of my limited clinic hours complaining about her husband. I listened keenly, but half of her complaints were minor issues that could have been resolved without telling anyone.
I said, listen, I am not a good woman every time. Sometimes, I am good. Sometimes, I am bad. As for my husband; sometimes, he is superbly awesome, sometimes, he makes mistakes. All humans are like that. But the truth is, his good deeds are weightier according to my my scale. So yes, my husband is a good man. If your husband’s goodness outweighs his bad, then he’s a good man. You should be grateful for that.
If you have a good man and he only makes one or two forgivable mistakes, correct him with patience. Pray for him. Stay with him. Strive to become better as a couple and as individuals. Don’t be too quick to write him off or paint him black in public.
It was narrated that ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (saw) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude”. It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allaah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime, then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Al-Bukhari, 1052)