The first five years were the bomb. The intimacy was great. The food was always ready in time. Behaviour was top notch. Looks were flawless. Everything was on point. The best word to describe this phase is: PARADISE.
By the end of that phase, the theme begins to change. The fertile couple starts experiencing the reality of parenthood while the subfertile ones become extremely tense. There is a paradigm shift from “my husband/wife” to “my children’s father/mother”. Show of affection becomes a seasonal affair. The bedroom becomes just a place to sleep and snore. Communication is reduced to “please buy diapers on your way home, thanks”….
Oops! Sorry, wrong title! I’m not here to give you a list of ways to love your spouse. You will have to find out by yourself. As a general guide, find out what works for you and stick to it. What works for couple A might not work for couple B. What are the things you used to do during the honeymoon that you’re no longer doing? Which of those things can you start doing again? What do you need to do differently now? These are the questions you need to discuss with your spouse over and over, and work out the answers, together.
No one can teach you how to love your spouse better than your spouse. Ask them what they want and how they want it; however, be realistic and reasonable. Pay attention to the fine details. From time to time, arrange dates and outings; away from the interruptions and tantrums of the kids.
Monotony kills love in marriage. Up your game! Update your wardrobe according to your means. Upgrade your bedmatic skills. Try out new recipes. Read books to sharpen your mind. Mix with older couples and learn from their success strories (but avoid comparing; each couple is unique).
Most importantly, search within yourself and strive to bring out a better version of you. You will have to make a lot of sacrifices, but these things pay off eventually. Patience is an essential ingredient; it breeds love, happiness and peace of mind.