AskDoctorKT

Being a home-maker is a real job- a full time job. In fact, when a woman transitions from stay-at-home to 9-to-5, she would discover that the office is just a vacation! The next question would then be: should the husband be paying her a salary?

Well, I always advise couples to stick to whatever works for them and not peep through other people’s clock (ę mașe wo aago alaago ș’ișę). I still maintain that stand, but it wouldn’t hurt to make some suggestions:

1. When your wife stays at home, you have made her to step down two tangible things: her creativity and career. Make sure you have a clear discussion with her before, and good replacements to fill in the gap afterwards. Don’t push your wife to insanity.

2. Staying at home means she has agreed to take care of the home and entire family. Try to release your authority to her in this regard. Just be the overseer. Allow her to build to her taste. Make sure you provide all resources for her to succeed.

3. Staying at home is a lot of work. Make sure you pay your wife adequately for doing that; monthly or as at when due, consistently. Try to give her something commensurate with, or close to what her earnings would have been if she had taken up another job. NO, this is not part of the home keeping funds. This will give her the opportunity to build her own financial empire and give charity to those looking up to her.

4. Make sure you contribute physically to the development of the house. Help with the children’s homework. Take them out for dinner or buy KFC once in a while. Create some time to supervise the kids for chores. Drop or pick them at school once in a while. Make your presence felt in special moments.

5. When you are at work you are exposed to fresh air, new perspectives of life and new faces. Consider your wife that doesn’t have this opportunity. You shouldn’t be backsliding when she needs to be taken out of boredom, when she needs a shoulder to sulk on and when she needs her own fresh air and new perspectives. Make sure her home is not like a prison.

6. Never get angry with your wife on tiny inadequacies of food not ready, house is dirty, visitors not entertained, children not organized, etc. And never shout on her or make her feel stupid. Never in your life raise your hands against her under whatever circumstance!!! EVER!

7. Always inform her when taking  decisions that will affect her and your home. In fact let the decision be mutually taken. She is the most important entity in the house. Don’t think you’re “doing her a favour” by trying to make her feel important.

8. Do not bring visitors into the house without informing her. Give her time to prepare, to fit her psyche. Do not undermine her authority. Do not drag her in the mud of your ego. She is the Queen of the house, the mother of your children and your partner on the path to paradise.

Khadijah Sanni-Tijani