Assalaam alaekum dear son.

1. I rejoice with you on your marriage to my beautiful daughter. BaarakAllaahu lakumaa wabaaraka alaykumaa wajama’a baynakumaa fee khair. Aamiin.

2. I know you are a muslim. I know you are well brought up. I know you are an intelligent gentleman. None of the messages in this letter will be new to you, but they will be reminders for you.

3. I’m writing this now because I may not be here tomorrow. I’m writing this because I don’t want to become a customer care agent for your marriage. I don’t wish to become a wrestling referee either. You will not see me visiting your home, unless I’m invited for good.

3. You didn’t marry her because you have everything it takes to be a good husband; you married her because you are ready to learn how to be a perfect one. I have taught her most of what she needs to know about marriage, but experience remains the best teacher. I trust that you will both continue to learn on the job.

4. Your wife is your garment; the most precious garment you will ever have. She is to be kept in a special place in your heart; the same way you would keep your best outfit in your wardrobe. She is not to be worn and washed roughly. She is fragile yet, strong. She will break at the slightest mishandling, but she will become much better if you exercise some patience with her.

5. My daughter is just like me: very moody. One minute she’s smiling, the next minute she’s crying. It’s not her fault dear son. It’s just the hormones that drive her in cycles. But you would do your marriage a great favour, if you master her mood swings and play along with it. When she smiles at you, smile back, even if you’re having a rough day. If you meet her crying, show compassion and do not go to sleep while she’s still crying.

6. The first woman was created from the curved rib of a man (Al-Hadith). No wonder we are so curvy: physically, mentally, emotionally… Don’t try to straighten the curve. Don’t try to make her think and act like you. Consult with her before making decisions that will affect both of you. Her opinion may sound totally antithetical to yours, but you can always find a way to make her voice count.

7. That girl you just married is the apple of my eyes, but she’s all yours now. Her guardianship has shifted from her father to you. Her obedience to you comes before that of everyone else, except Allaah and His Rasool. I’m not complaining. I just want you to always remember that she is dear to me. She is the coolness of my eyes. So, if you treat her well, I will feel the pleasure too. If you treat her badly, I will feel the pain too.

Have a blissful married life!

Khadijah Sanni-Tijani


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