UNRAVELLING THE SEX LIFE OF A MUSLIM
No! No!! No!!! Not what you’re thinking! I PROMISE YOU, this is not going to be graphic, so you can comfortably read on! Though the preferred audience would be married couples or seriously soon-to-be-married. *winks*
This is 2016 and some people still think that Muslims are alien creatures from Jupiter. Anyway, I don’t blame them, I blame the media for always flashing BREAKING NEWS every minute, showing misguided terrorists and war-torn slums of some muslim countries. Is that all there is to show about muslims?
Muslims are normal people. We play, eat, drink, fart, marry, bear children, die and bury our dead. I want to attempt to raise awareness about how normal we are and I’m starting from sex. (A bold start, no?) So, what does our sex life look like, if there’s any? Here’s a sneak peek…
1. MARRIAGE IS THE LICENSE. Sex is ONLY allowed within the confines of legal matrimony. No shortcuts. No one night stand. No prostitution. Islamic marriage has its criteria and peculiarities (such as permissibility of up to four wives), but that is another topic on its own. “…And those who guard their chastity ie. private parts; except from their wives…” Quran chapter 70 verse 29 (Read from verses 19-35 for better understanding)
2. SEX IS AN ACT OF WORSHIP. Yep! Extramarital sex attracts a severe punishment. Sex inside wedlock attracts blessings and rewards. You get the logic? So, the more rounds you can do, the more the reward, lol! In an Hadith narrated by Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah was reported to have said, “… In the sexual act of one of you is sadaqa(a charitable act)…” Al-Hadith.
3. NO RE-ORIENTATION. The world is now tending towards the acceptance and legalisation of various sexual orientations: homosexuality, bestiality, paedophilia etc. In Islam, sex may only occur between a matured man and a matured woman. “(Prophet Lut said to his people) Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds”.Quran chapter 7 verse 82.
4. FOREPLAY IS A SUNNAH. Kissing, caressing and tactile exploration of the whole body is highly necessary to ensure satisfaction for both partners. Our Prophet (saw) has recommended it even before science proved it.
5. ONLY ONE ORIFICE. Anal sex is forbidden in Islam, though the ruling on oral sex is not explicit. ANY posture can be assumed but there can be only one entrance. “Your wives are a tilth for you so go to your tilth when or how you wish…” Quran chapter 2 verse 223
6. MUTUAL ORGASM IS THE GOAL. The man is not satisfied until he “releases”. The woman is not satisfied until she reaches her climax. No need to be ashamed of it or fake it; it’s a God-given privilege! Not only does it ease tension and foster love and unity, it also prevents resentment and feeling of inadequacy or selfishness. “…They (ie. your wives) are garments for you and you are garments for them…” Quran chapter 2 verse 187.
7. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Even though it might seem awkward for new couples to undergo a transition from 100% prohibition to 100% freedom, with sincere communication, they will both feel at ease in shaa Allaah. Couples are encouraged to discuss sex with each other, reliable sheikhs/Imaams, trusted elders, and medical professionals. There are also decent books and online resources out there that can be consulted whenever in doubt.
8. NO OBSCENITY. This probably explains why some people erroneously think we don’t have any sex life. We just don’t talk about it loosely. No pornography. No vulgarity. No graphic description of coitus in public. And no, it doesn’t contradict point number 7 above. There are stories in prose and poetry that describe the sexual act perfectly without mentioning a single p- or v- word!!!
9. THERE ARE BOUNDARIES. Just like anything in life, limits must be set. No sex during menstruation. No sex during puerperal bleeding. No sex during the days of Ramadan(sex is permitted during the nights, Quran chapter 2verse187) No extremism in sexual frequency and behaviour. No use of sex as weapon of abuse and blackmail. It is not supposed to lose its sacredness despite being pleasurable.
10. POST-COITAL PURIFICATION. This is an ablution of the entire body (ghusl) which must be done after intimacy. It serves as a spiritual cleansing before one can perform acts of worship like praying, fasting, etc. It also has physical benefits (personal hygiene) and is refreshing.